Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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