So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently you make a good broom.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
