Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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