i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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