my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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