The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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