i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
