Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
