Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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