no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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