Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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