is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize