He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
