so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
