love makes seman taste better
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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