He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
