The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
