How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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