ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
