you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
