The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
