If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
