Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
