That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
