She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
