just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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