2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
