you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
