there was a trapeze. enough said
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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