I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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