He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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