i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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