so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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