Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
