Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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