While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I smell like Dick and happiness
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
soo... how was my night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
