I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
