i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
