you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
