Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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