HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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