Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
