I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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