Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
