oh god the rape fog is back!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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