Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
