why didn't you poke me back
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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