Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
