I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
