OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
