dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
