i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
