He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
