woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
