the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
