see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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