Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
