you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
