He kissed a someone with a penis
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
