is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
