o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize