The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
