you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
